In fear of my natural state of being too verbose, I’ll cut right to it.
Three take aways from professional and non-professional interactions. Enjoy with various sized grains of salt:
- Context: I’m in an ongoing graduate leadership program. This week’s facilitator was discussing communication and this was her sage advice on difficult conversations. Wisdom nugget: “Having difficult arguments is analogous to leftovers placed in the back of your refrigerator. Most leftovers usually do not get better. If you have a difficult conversation it’s best to eat it and/or deal with it as soon as possible. If you don’t get to it soon enough you may just have to throw the damn thing away.” I love this advice.
- Action: Create a code of professional work ethics that help guide your decisions on your professional interactions. It’s like your own customized flow-chart of how you should conduct yourself professionally so you can make sure your actions align with your leadership and management values.
- Context: I was talking to my dear friend about an uncomfortable conversation I had with a mutual colleague. She said “well, if they are in your top tier of most important people in your life, it might be worth doing extra emotional labor of guiding them through this process.” Action: although awkward, probably a good idea to tier your relationships so you know and understand which one are worth the extra time/effort/energy, which ones you can count on for regular support, and which ones you should make sure you are grounded before venturing into further. Extra pro tip: make sure this document is password protected on your computer should your device ever fall into the wrong hands to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Alright, whatever, this could be extreme. All I’m saying is that it is probably unwise to make this the background on your computer.
- Action: Create a communication plan based off a combination of a) your regular necessary work communications as well as b) these tiered friendships. Emotional energy is finite. Make sure you’re investing it in all of the places that it needs to go as well as be intentional about where you would like for it to go.
Stay tuned for next week’s episode where some of these backfire and I need to rightsize.
Dagny Deutchman 
I just got off the phone with my wife, my son my brother and one of my best friends who I’ve known 36 years. I am working 6 days a week so I only get Sunday off. I could write a magazine article for another friend (who will pay me) or I can go do 8miles and 3300 feet elevation gain hike into the North Cascades before i leave Seattle. I am choosing the deeper friendship without the pay because it will be great exercise and will charge my batteries.
Your advise lines up. Invest in friends.
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Ah, Mike. Thank you for sharing this experience. It sounds like you’re investing yourself in the spaces that fill you up the most. I’m so glad to hear you have people in your life worth investing in like this. It makes me feel valid in honoring my own friendships that way, too.
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