Thoughts I Had On My First Day of Running Participants for My Own Research Study

Posted bydagnythedoodlePosted inResearch Science, UncategorizedTags:, , , , ,
  • “5:30 AM Bitch. This is what champions do.”
  • “Wow, this $10-facebook-marketplace-elliptical is so fucking squeaky. I hope my roommates don’t hate me right now.”
  • “Shit will I have time to shower? Yes. You have to shower. You are a smelly girl.”
  • “I feel like I need power eyebrows today.”
  • “Where the shit are my keys?”
  • “Thank god it’s an 8:30AM participant and not one at 8AM! Friday is going to be rough.”
  • “I wonder if my research assistant is going to be on time.”
  • “YES. I made it to campus and didn’t spill my green smoothie OR my earl gray tea!”
  • “Do you think not eating breakfast actually makes your brain focus in more or is that some weird keto-fad-diet-culture-bullshit myth? If it’s not, I’m gunna crush today.”
  • “I hope the printer has paper in it.”
  • “Dammit, I wonder if I am going to be on time.”
  • “Cool, my research assistant is here. Kudos. Write down that she gets extra brownie points in your scheduling log.”
  • “Fuck, I’m nervous. I hope I didn’t forget something huge.”
  • “Wow, I think I’m talking really fast. I should apologize to the participant for talking so fast.”
  • “Is it time to eat yet?”
  • “Fuck, my ring is definitely going to blow through this glove.”
  • “Oh, I haven’t touched my tea. It’s probably cold.”
  • “Wow, talking about drool is very unsexy.”
  • “I wonder what it will feel like to see people’s whole faces again?”
  • “Why am I so disorganized? I literally have 400 pieces of paper all over the place, this participant probably knows they are participant number one. It basically says that on their participant folder. They definitely fucking know.”
  • “Okay, cool, cool, cool, I got this. They don’t know. I look chill as fuck.”
  • “Yeah, my tea is definitely going to be cold when I get to it.”
  • “Oh, they know, I clearly do not know how to use this equipment.”
  • “SHIT! I SWEAR I TROUBLESHOT THIS EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST WEEK. HOW IS THIS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW!?”
  • “Wow, okay that went super well. I don’t know what I’ve been so worried about.”
  • “Yupp, tea is cold.”
  • “Okay I can totally wrap up my participant duties in this 30 minute window.”
  • “No, no I can’t. That is definitely a lot of work and not enough time. Shit.”
  • “Where is that goddamn disinfectant spray?”
  • “Woof, I really had to pee. Glad I put on mascara today though.”
  • “Dammit, I’m going to be up all night fixing my protocols. Turns out even my best RA can’t read my mind….or understand my writing when I forget to use complete sentences.”
  • “Who organized these protocols. They’re kind of a shit show. Darn you past-Dagny!”
  • “How the heck am I going to streamline this part?”
  • “How am I going to feel comfortable letting my RA’s do this part? I really, really dont want this part to be fucked up.”
  • “Future-Dagny is sad, this is going to take so long tonight.”
  • “Okay, game face. Go time. Next up.”
  • “Hm, I hope that participant is listening. These watches are really, really not waterproof. This girl looks like she likes to sauna.”
  • “Phew, okay they have to hold still and not speak for 8 minutes. FREEDOM.” *pulls out instagram*
  • “Oh, it’s 2:33. I haven’t eaten anything today.”
  • “Oh, it’s 4:40. I still haven’t eaten anything today.”
  • “Am I talking too fast again?”
  • “Am I breathing really hard?”
  • “Does my mask look stupid? I kind of feel cool, like in mortal kombat.”
  • “Crap. Don’t touch your face Dagny.”
  • “We really need a bottle of hand sanitizer in here. Add that to the list.”
  • “Add gloves to the list.”
  • “Add highlighters to the list. Shit, are we out of everything right now?”
  • “I still feel like I’m breathing really hard.”
  • “Is this participant hitting on me?”
  • “Yes. Yes they are. How weird.”
  • “What if a participant hits on my RAs? How will they feel safe?”
  • “Why am I having a feminist existential crisis right now? Chill.”
  • “Okay, if I sit here on my computer while they fill out assessments it totally looks like I’m doing something important.”
  • “I hope my RA’s will feel comfortable running this whole thing alone starting next week. This would be exhausting to do everyday.”
  • “I hope that people actually listen to finishing their research!”
  • “Damn, this kid stays up late. My other two participants were probably huge squares like me.”
  • “Yupp, this guy parties.”
  • “Is it appropriate to be blogging right now?”
  • “I need to make sure I schedule more participants where I can train from start to finish.”
  • “He is taking forever, maybe I should read these to him. No, no, be nice. You just want to take your mask off.”
  • “Why is he sitting like that?”
  • “Yeah, cause I’m still breathing weird. I shouldn’t have run from my office to here with it on.”
  • “Why didn’t I make dinner that wasn’t salad juice in a cup?”
  • “Where’s my wallet?”
  • “Okay great, three more minutes.”
  • “Shit, really, where is my wallet?”
  • “I am now acutely aware at how awkward it is to attach electrodes to an 18 year old boy when I am alone in the room.”
  • “Dammit, I think I forgot to tell him that he should start his sleep diary tonight.”
  • “My face is dry from this mask.”
  • “Phew…..I FUCKING DID IT!!! YAYAYAYAYAYA WAAHOOOOOOO”
  • “Whoa…..this has to get done 72 more times?”
  • “How many more do I have to do?”
  • “Thank god for RA’s”
  • “I am so wiped. I cannot believe I have to fix things for tomorrow.”
  • “Are there still fruit snacks hidden in this lab somewhere?”
  • “Okay, 20 minute break and then blast through my fixers.”
  • “But first….a selfie for the ‘gram—gotta share it with the world.”
  • “Damn, I am so glad I did my eyes this morning.”
  • “20 minutes on the clock….ready………….”
  • “I got this. I got this. I got this. Im in the motherfucking zone. I’m channeling my inner goth research hacker girl just like on those spy shows or whatever.”
  • “Fuck, I have to redo that last whole collumn cause I got the date wrong.”
  • “Okay yeah, I got this I got this I got this.”
  • —Three hours later of fixes and troubleshooting—
  • “Damn okay. I hope my RAs are careful, this part is so important.”
  • “Nah, they got this.”
  • “Aiiiight, 10:30 PM. Let me compulsively check my email one more time and then….I’ll go home I guess.”
  • “Do champions feel this tired?”
  • “They must, champions dont need sleep….but …I’m a sleep researcher….I know that’s not actually true….”
  • “Where’s that god damn sleepy time tea. I’m too zorked from working all day to feel calm enough to sleep.”
  • “Well….Here’s to 5:30 AM tomorrow. That actually felt pretty damn good.”

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